What do I think of when I hear the word "feminine"? I think of flowers and a delicate sort of class. I think of gentleness and softness and a sweet smile. I think of makeup and beauty products and boob jobs. I think of foot binding and corsets and the oppression of beauty. I think of stupidity and overreactions and being overemotional. I think of crying and sensitivity and materialism. I think of thin, delicate bodies that still somehow manage to have meat on their bones in all the right places. But this isn't realistic either. Women are more than their bodies, they can be just as smart as men and wearing a dress and having nice makeup doesn't make you any less intelligent or capable than not doing so. Why is being "girly" bad while being "manly" good? Why is it okay for girls to dress like boys but not for boys to dress like us? Why is it okay to call a grown woman a "girl" but not okay to call a grown man a "boy"? Why are women viewed as irrational and jealous and hormonal when guys are just as bad? Men have hormonal cycles like we do, yet no one talks about it.
I wear a lot of makeup. I have curly hair. I like to look good and to smell good and I've always been a girly girl. People always underestimate me and look at me like I'm stupid. I know it, I've been told, and even when I haven't I can see it in their eyes. It frustrates me and reduces me to a pretty face with no brains and no worth to society other than a body and a thing to waste money on. I know this, and yet I have done it to other girls. I see a girly girl and sometimes, before my conscious mind takes over to consider actual logic, I do the same thing they all do to me. But why? I know it is not true and yet how many times have I done it? Who told me to think like that? There was never anyone in my life who asserted this was true, in face my mother isn't traditionally feminine in many ways. She likes pretty clothes and some amount of makeup, and is someone I would consider emotional. But she is strong, independent, and somewhat 'butch' in her personality. Society tells me one thing, but I personally know another.
Thinking of femininity reminds me of my favorite spoken word poem, by Katie Makkai: "Pretty".
When she imagines her daughter begging to be made pretty and perfect, she responds with
“No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.
“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.”
I keep those words in my head and I know I'll turn out just fine.
